“Christmas is a time when everyone wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” -Phyllis Diller
“You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas lights.” -Maya Angelou
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” -Robert Paul
Anyone know where I can buy love? They told me that was the best thing to give out this Christmas.
Funny Christmas Card Wishes Messages
Christmas is a time for remembering family and trying to guess everyone’s sizes! Have a wonderful Christmas.
Christmas is Claus for celebration!
Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.
Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
Fa la la la la, la la la la! Wishing you some decked out holiday glee!
Get your fat pants ready, it’s Christmas!
I put so much thought into your gift that it’s now too late to get it. Merry Christmas anyways!
If a fat man puts you in a bad tonight don’t worry, I told Santa I want you for Christmas.
If tonight some big fat man kidnaps and throws you in a sack , then please stay calm. Because many people would have asked Santa for a sweet friend like you. Merry Christmas!
May your fun be large and bills be small this year. Merry Christmas!
May your gifts be many, and your returns be few. Have a stress free holiday season!
Merry Christmas! Know what the best thing about this card is? It doesn’t come with a fruitcake!
My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season. Merry Christmas!
Please note: Christmas is cancelled. Apparently, you told Santa you have been good this year…he died laughing.
The best thing we all teach our kids about Christmas is honesty. “Sure…there’s a real Santa Claus.”
There’s snowbody like you!
Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men and Batteries not Included.
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start to get clothes for Christmas. Happy holidays!
Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks? Because they are Santa’s star bucks. Happy Holidays!